focus-ratings-mornoing newsGood morning...

Just a heads up...

Towards the end of the week I shall be promoting Compass Ratings.

If you get an email from me about Compass Ratings please don't act on it.

If you are a member of Focus Ratings, Early Bird Ratings or Place Profits then you will get Compass Ratings for free.

You will also receive selected meetings for the Australian ratings service (Spotlight Ratings) once that is finished.

The link for the ratings (top 3 rated) for tomorrow's meeting at Happy Valley is... http://compassratings.com/data/compassratings-2020-04-22.pdf

The link for the ratings (all horses) for tomorrow's meeting at Happy Valley is... http://compassratings.com/data/compassratings-full-2020-04-22.pdf


Something to make you smile...

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly***

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's you're best friend.

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.


Dress Code...

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the
"Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


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Today

Whatever you are up to today...

Stay safe and healthy.

As always...

My kindest regards

keith-eckstein1

 

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